Ok, when i installed wsus again (reverted to check point) I opened wsus and i had to put in the DB instance. This allowed 'dbsus' to appear under databases in sql 12, iis also got the wsus website.
I didnt install 'WID database', just 'database' when installing wsus.
Once that was done I opened wsus, entered the server name that had sql12 installed (full fqdn) clicked ok, once that was done i exited the wsus pre config wizard, because that is done when you setup the Sup role in sccm.
Now I am having trouble syncing updates in sccm with going straight to microsoft.
UPDATE:
WSUS in iis uses 8350,
Does WSUS need to be on the default website to work? Or no.